Internet Withdrawl

I have been without a computer at home for over a month. In order to get my surfing fix, I've had to either stay late at work, or visit my local library. When I did have my home computer up and running, I definitely took advantage of it, but it wasn't necessary to go online every single day. But now that I'm deprived (and not by choice), I feel the need to get as much of it as possible. It's rather sickening really. Or at least it was.

This whole need to horde my Internet time reminds me of stories from people growing up during the last world war. Stories of people not having enough food while growing up, and now stuff their freezers and pantries, always ready for an emergency. What am I "ready" for?

I think I have two problems, that are really one and the same.
One, I need to be in the know, up to date with my current forms of communication. I need to know if someone's emailed me, or if someone wants to be my friend on MySpace or if my cousins are chatting on Facebook... what did I miss while I was at work all day? Which basically comes down to being a control freak.
Two, I need immediate satisfaction. If some interesting tidbit comes up and I want more information, I want to go online and find it, now. This is what the computer was for me when I had it at home. My encyclopedia of knowledge. No need to wait, it's all at the tip of your fingers. There was no need to be online all the time, but only when the need arose. (After all, I had unlimited access.) But this is simply another manifestation of being a control freak.

I already knew all that, of course, and never denied it. But things are different now. Or at least, I'm looking at it differently. I've finally (it took me 36 years!?) figured out that if I have this irrational need to get a fix, that I really have no control after all. I can control when I go to the library, or stay after work, but as long as I do it because of this stupid "need", then I am simply a slave to this stupid machine.

I know, I know. This is no earth-shattering conclusion. In fact, I've come across this same viewpoint in regards to television.

I grew up with a steady dose of television. From the cartoons of my youth, to the prime time television shows of the early nineties, I had plenty of love affairs with particular television shows. Never were these shows to be missed. My favorite span of subjugation was the Saturday night line up of the nineties. The Pretender, followed by The Profiler. Nothing could tear me away from my Saturday night ritual. Until I went on vacation, for a month, and was consequentially unable to continue my habit. Upon my return, I found my fervor relaxed. And then vowed never to fall under the television trap again. So far so good. Although there are still television shows I love, I do not need to watch every episode, or follow the whole season, etc.

So... is this what's ahead of me in regards to the Internet? I doubt it. Not watching the television for over six months was not hard. There are plenty of activities that can replicate such escapism. But the Internet is its own monster. It fulfills the need for instant gratification. The power of instant and specific information gathering is intoxicating. The ability to communicate, in real time and for free, with my family across the world is fantastic. I could go on and on. No, I cannot foresee myself walking away placidly.

However, I can take control of my impulses.
I will survive if I don't go online, daily.
I have other loves to distract me.

Which brings me to this weekend.
I was online for an entire... hour. That's it. No more. The thrill of being online was subdued. I had better things to do. And actually did them.